Happy Birthday to Me.

  "Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Martini. Happy Birthday to you!!” my teammates sang.
“Thanks guys,” I cried.
“Make a wish,” Mimi exclaimed excitedly.
“OK, ok.”

  As soon I was done, Oz and J.D started to distributing the Double Chocolate Cosmic that they gotten specially for me. J.D saved the biggest piece for me, knowing how much I love chocolate dairies. I slowly savoured the cake, enjoying every bit of the cake, right down to the ingredient of the cream. I was so into the cake that I forgotten that I have people around me until Barne poked me at the side of my tummy.
“Hey, Martini, you’re another year older.”
“Yah, so?” I asked in return, puzzled.
“You’re still unattached,” Barne grinned.
“I’m happy being single and for all you know, I might actually be married in 2 years time,” I smirked, little did I know….
“Anyway, here’s something from me and Danny,” Barne said and handed me a shining lilac box.
“What’s inside?” I asked, feeling grateful for the present.
“It can keep you occupied when you’re lonely,” he laughed.
“OK, thanks.” I shook my head. Later, I found that it just a very big puzzle set.

I received quite a bunch of stuff from my colleagues, most of them were shared among 2-3 colleagues except the one from Mimi. Her gift was from her alone and not shared amongst our colleagues. It was a teddy bear that comes in with built in fortune cookie ability. Each time the teddy bear is squeezed and a button is pressed on the stomach, a phrase or an expression will be said by the teddy bear. The weird thing was that it was not fortune cookie, it was more like love cookie. Even weirder was the very first cookie I got, “Your admirer is around the corner, watching you and waiting to be uncover”. It sounds a bit creepy actually.
   The very last present I unwrapped was the one from Scotch. It was shared by J.D, Vod and Alyst. It was something that I had already chosen days before. Scotch had taken me to his father’s antique collection shop days before New Year’s eve and showed me the more expensive and more collectable items that his father had at the back of the store. Not much customer could afford the stuff which he showed me in the private exhibition room.
   Upon me seeing the room, he asked me to select an item from the room. I was reluctant. Most of the items there cost a fortune, even for us. It was not until he revealed that he was sharing the gift with another 3 friends that I finally gave in to my desire; even so, it took me quite a while to understand a few simple things from the items in the room. Out of all the items in the room, only ancient weapons fascinate me. I stood at the corner for ancient weapon and looked through thorough every item that the little corner had to offer.
  The one weapon that caught my eyes was an L-shaped weapon -as Scotch told me- known as a revolver, more accurately known as a ‘Magnum’. It was silver in colour except for its handle which was black and it was still shining from its cleanliness, a rather rare sight on antiques. Holding it in its correct manner somewhat feels natural in my hands, as if the weapon had been waiting for me to pick it up.

“I knew a weapon would be the best for your birthday. Just I didn’t know what exactly to get you,” Scotch said after noticing that I had been fiddling with the magnum for quite some time before putting it back in its resting spot.
“Why?”
“Revolver could give you a better protection when it comes to our duty.”
   
   I held the revolver against the light, holding it in the right orientation. Somehow, I could feel that this little dude is going to keep me company for quite some time. Secretly, even before Scotch announced that he would give it to me for my next birthday, I named it Jackal, the Soul Banisher.
   That night, on my birthday, I held it against the darkness of the sky. Admiring it for the first time because Jackal is legally mine now. The silver colour stood out in contrast of the night sky. I couldn’t help but wonder how it’s like when I really used it for the first time. Would it be as cool as I imagined it?


Years later…..

A long time had passed since the first time he held Jackal against the darkness of the sky. The first time when he held Jackal up against the black sky, it felt as if a friend who gives him confident in battlefield, a friend that one could count on no matter what. Ever since that fateful night, Jackal had kept him company for as long as he remembered. The revolver was sort of a tangible piece of beautiful memory. Now, after so long, it feels as if Jackal still smiled upon him when he held the gun up against the sky. However, now it feels as if a comrade-in-arm is smiling upon him. A comrade that had been looking out for him ever since they knew each other. It’s a pity a revolver can’t drink along with him as much as it felt like a comrade.

“Hey, pussy, not resting from the party?” Joe squeezed Martini’s shoulder.

“Neh, I finally get be alone.” Martini said punching Joe’s chest.
“Party not to your liking?”
“Neh, just wanted to do some reflection. Something of birthday habit.”
“Self-pleasuring?” Joe smirked. Martini only smirked back at his captain.

  Martini took another sip from the bottle of Chocolate Cognac before looking back at the horizon. It was moments of silence before Joe asked about Martini’s present. Martini had not looked at it yet, choosing to look at it later in the morning. “It gives me the feeling that Christmas is here earlier,” he laughed.

“Honestly though….” Martini started. “There comes a time in your life when you stop counting the number of present you received.” Joe looked at Martini for a second, wondering where did his wisdom come from.
“…and there comes the time when you started to count your blessings instead,” Martini continued. “You want a sip?” Martini offered his drink to Joe.
“I could do without the drink. I guess being able to do reflection on a quiet night like this is a blessing for us too, huh?”
“Yeah.” Martini smiled.

A few more minutes into the quiet cold night, Joe got up and left Martini alone to himself. That night was a little chilly, rather quiet and the night breeze was lingering in the station’s park. A night quite perfect for reflection, reflection of one’s present life, past and good old days that one used to had, of the beautiful innocent memories of one’s life. A perfect night to enjoy a bottle of drink without having to worry about anything. A night to enjoy the wind on your face, to enjoy the rustling of leaves, the singing of the crickets, to sit on the softness of the grass. A night that is simply splendid from the simple fact of being alive and being able to savour the very taste of drinks. A night without anyone else but himself.

“Just the way I like it.” Martini smiled to himself and took another sip of drink from his bottle.

                            

Mistake

Here's the thing about mistake, even though u know it's a mistake, sometimes u just gotta do it, even if it's a stupid mistake

quoted from Ted’s closing narration of How I Met Your Mother

I find these lines rather intriguing. Specially after what I’ve seen so far in my life alone and after a fresh examples recently. As a human, you gotta admit that you went through uncountable mistakes: don’t matter-mistakes, small ones, intermediate ones, medium ones, ironic ones, big ones, huge ones, large ones, the-unforgettable-for-the-rest-of-life-ones. In life there’s all kinda mistakes, some are downright silly, some are unforgettably embarrassing, some are educationally beneficial, some are more iconic than others while some mistakes could be fatal.

What intrigues me is that there are mistake in life that you know too well that it’s a wrong thing to do, yet you willingly and consciously did it. Here’s an easy to relate to example:

Ramero is one of your typical college guy, desperate to get a partner. His first love turned out to be a girl who is attached. And of course, if ur expecting some romantic courting and fair fight over the girl and then romantically ever after, please go to the toilet and flush your head down the hole and if that doesn’t work, call me; I dun mind finishing you off. Come on people, this is reality, it’s ain’t that pretty. Back to the story, both parties know well enough the situation of one another, despite still being attached, date happen but the situation escalates shortly after.

Here’s the part I’m wondering, despite know well enough that the girl is still attached, he would go on a date with her. At the same time, why would a girl who is attached is going on a date without be detached? Any blind fool can tell you that it’s a bloody mistake? Yet, why do they date each other even for a single date or 2? They both know it’s a mistake, yet they still do it.

This is but a simple example. Ever commit an act or deed which is clearly a mistake, yet you still choose to do it anyway? I have. I’m sure a lot of people have as well. Why do we do it?

We humans, are creatures with the ability to tell the right from the wrong, yet, at times, we consciously choose wrong. We have better logic and thinking abilities as humans compared to other living things, yet we, as humans, are the ones who commits the most mistakes of all living creatures. Why is that so?

I guess one could say that we yearn to find out what’s its like to be doing a stupid mistake. I believe that very few of us knows this and ever fewer would be willing to admit it: We feel alive when we made a stupid mistake.

By making a conscious mistake, we sorta added a certain unpredictable amount of varieties, new experiences -whether it be a lesson in life or just another feeding to our curiosity- to our life. At the same time, it gives us new horizons to things (though at times, the painful way), even to things that we already know too well. It let us relate to things. It also makes us that we are part of the cosmos, part of something significant, something important. It let us know our worth in this life, our significance, our own self values.

But the worst and most beautiful part of it is that it gives us a momentary satisfaction. So fleeting and elusive, yet, we yearn for it, sometimes unconsciously……………..

……..which promptly get us to catch it with all our might, even when we know well enough that the fruit of these labours will not be worth it.

To be honest, using Ramero example above is actually a mistake and I’m stupid to be doing it, but yet, here I am, still doing it. Why you ask? All I can say is “I just gotta do it”.

To end it, let me summarize with a beautiful paradoxical manner:

“It’s a mistake to avoid mistakes”….wait, it's a mistake? OK ok, here’s the actual one…

“It’s stupid mistake not to make a stupid mistake”

Dedicated to my Valentine ‘08 drinking buddies and all those conscious mistake deeds out there and all of the people who have consciously did intention mistakes.

Small updates on BoCM

Some updates on BoCM members:

Jorgie is currently working under a company which manages events (small or big) for customers. If not mistaken, he is currently studying as well. He's with a new girl btw, u can see their pictures in his friendster.

Jennifer is still busy with her life in UniTAR. I dun even know what's her course

Julia would be graduating from her English Literature course in one more sem. Not sure what are her plans after that though.

Babu had to restart on his A-Levels. Not really sure why. But at the moment, he's currently helping out at his father's shop most of the time.

Syed is living a rather happier life in Nilai now. Dun expect him to come back much, he love his life there except for the lousy food. Taking Biotech btw.

Thiru is currently working in a bank near Sunshine Jelutong as a permanent worker.

Nallanee is taking Logistic in UUM (University Ulu Malaysia), will be graduating soon as well, one more sem left for her also. Not sure about her plans after that as well.

Rani is still in Adventist doing Nursing, hectic life due to her course. Will be engaged by the end of next year if not mistaken.

This is how everyone look like now...

View this photo

View this photo

Btw, the rest of guys are turning 21 next year

Btw, if any of u still remember the name Boon Kit, he's in NS now.

Again, very sorry for the confusion during the gathering...My humble-st apologies for that

The problem with me....

Year 2007....A year that ends with a '7'. A year which i promptly hated due to the number of unpleasant events that befalls upon me.

In time, when i finally get a taste of holiday, i would promptly and naturally want to rest and escape from pretty much everything that reminds me of responsibilities and work and duty.

Then came Deepavali gathering, i was requested to do a gathering and naturally after suffering much injuries from this year's bad luck and misfortune, naturally i would wanna escape from anything that spells responsibilities. Which is what the BoCM feels like to me..

I tried to sms Syed and when he din reply my first try, i wasn't very bother to contact him. And even giving a more people a simple call and just cal it off since i felt that i was forced to do the whole gathering anyway.

Flashback to Sunday night, i email Nellie telling her i wasn't in the mood to do any gathering and hinted that i considering cancel.

Tonight, Wednes-night, i receive a call from her expecting her to remind me. However, she surprised me by telling me that things can still be in motion and she and a bunch of siblings had taken up the banner to go on with the gathering. While i was given some choices to make, i wasn't involved in the rest of the work. Or at least 80% of the work.

When the conversation ended, i realise the very big mistake i've been committing since the whole bad luck streak begin:

I was too busy trying to recover and trying to heal. Thinking of how do i get myself back on track. And ironically, in doing so, i've actually been doing nothing but whining and thinking of how to escape. Which in turn nothing is being solved at all.

When the conversation with Nellie ended, i realise how weak i was. BoCM gathering is not something hard but the simple fact of feeling pressure to do it just discourages me and make me wanna escape.

I realise now that i've been taking my life the wrong way. I shouldn't have taken my time to recover or even try to recover my mental injuries. Covering up injuries is one thing but to purposely encourage healing is another thing that my body is not used to doing.

In trying to encourage recovery or purposely recovering, i've actually damaged myself more instead.

Another thing that i've came to realise is that being alone is not something very healthy for me. I've been too used to working alone on personal stuff that when people request something from me, i tend to work on the thing on my own, without properly thinking of getting help, even thought of it for the matter. Well it does work most of the time, there are times that it just doesn't work.
Humans are pack animal,i guess, a fact that i keep reminding my friends but personally constantly forgets about.

I guess i just found another irony in my life tonight:

The more i try to pursuit recovery, the further i become from it

Never been so died for presentation

ok, so, here i am, with a few hours left for discussion for my final presentation of my Industrial Training. The supervisor told me that my turn for discussion is in the evening which means after lunch.

At the moment, which is 1.36pm, and we have yet to have lunch and after taking away the time from lunch and the attention that the supervisor will give to others, god knows how much of his attention is left on me for my survival tomoro for the presentation.....

........which by my prediction: he will only have half an hour for me after lunch. Which in all minds of logic of illogical ones will not be sufficient even for the introduction of my final results.

God knows how i'm gonna survive tomoro for the presentation.....

3 times a day

Nothing much to do during industrial training...ok ok, actually i dun really know where to start...so, usually i spent time lepaking online..here's what one thing that come out from this whole lepaking....

I check my friendster 3 times a day during working hours...

Another child abuse-rape-then-kill case

5 Nov. On my way to USM for training, i heard this terrible news on the radio.

Apparently in KL, another Nurin-like case had striked again. Here's the summary of it:

The girl was apparently sexually abuse before being pushed down to her death from her own apartment. Her home apartment is apparently rather secure that it nearly impossible to sneak in that authorities (and also the family of the victim) suspect that it was done by neighbours or people from the same residential area. Worse is that the father of the victim, received a call from his daughter saying that there's someone outside their door.

Here's another sad part about this news is that the victim, a Std 3 student is from an Indian family and we all know that Diwali (another name for Deepavali) is coming up soon. Image the sadness of the family of such tragedy to hit them when they are in the mood for festivities.

Seriously though, this world is getting sicker and sicker. It's no wonder that people like 'Kira' can be lauded as heroes. In fact, i do think that we might need a real 'Kira' in our actual world. Is pedophilic sexual abuse some sort of in-thing these days. First, we got the Nurin case, then we have another case like these.

Is pedophilic sexual abuse-then-kill some sort of in-thing that every rapist in town is trying to emulate to? Or is the Nurin case some sort of propaganda to all pedophilic criminals to go all out? Or a propoganda to start increasing the crime in M'sia so that children are allowed to carry guns with them? I dun quite mind shooting down mindless criminals.....then again, i'm not a child anymore.

My father just adviced me during the weekend to start getting friendly with the newspaper; how the hell am i going to get friendly with the paper when most of the news are about sad-heart-mauling news?

What's becoming of this world? There's a lot of modern myth regarding how the world would end at the second millenium. For what i can see, God does not have to move the mighty Hand to accelerate the Apocalypse. Humans are self-driven for destruction

PS
Damn it, i'm going to a dull place for work, at least bring some cheery news for me in the morning, not another example of another mindless, heartless crime

OVA of bad luck

..OVA of bad luck

OK, this is my second exam week and things for the moment aren’t going very smoothly for me, I admit that. And during times like this, one would seriously need some luck, unfortunately for me, luck is not something I had, especially not years that ends with the digit ‘7’ though years that ends with ‘7’ generally gave me interesting social life but never gave me uplifting academic life.

Anyway, to “celebrate” this series of unfortunately event, allow me to list down the bad news that I have heard so far since my exam started:

1) Upon double checking with my friends after the thermo paper, I realized that I made more mistakes that originally calculated.

2) Me failing in Spectro paper and I might the only one failing amongst my friends, which means my holiday is once again slaughtered a bit.

3) Jose Mourinho, my favourite soccer manager quitted

4) The phone line, had been physically stolen and this means that its gonna be awhile before they can fully restore the phone line.

5) Receive the unpleasant news that I have to do supp for my Thermo paper….

Out of Luck

OK, 18 Sept. I woke up and as usual, the first thing i do is switch on my com. The com was fine, however, i was unable to online. After doing some checking on the phone line, i realize that the phone line itself is not working.

So, early evening, i decided to file a report for the problem.

19 Sept. Was buying breakfast from the school canteen when i received a call from Telekom and there i thought my bad luck for the phone line is finally over and i was thinking how efficient the local companies had become. Hell, i was only proven right for the second statement.
X_X

Anyway, this lady from Telekom called me and told me that my phone line, the actual cable itself, was stolen. And just the other day, JD was commenting on weird things happen around me alot. Well, i hate to say it but he's right on that.

Things that are both extraordinarily weird do tend to happen around me. At times, i seriously wanted to know is this some sort of special karma for me whereby things that come back to me tends to come back in a nonconventional way and in ways that have never been seen or heard before. I mean fine, if karma wans to hit me back, there's nothing much i can do about it other than whining and complaining but why do things that hit me back tend to be unconventional, out-of-the-ordinary, unusual, weird. Why can't i at least be hit by a normal kinda karma?

I swear, man, years tat end with the number '7' are bad luck years for me.

Good friends

Good friend are like addiction
U feel lost the moment they are gone

Good friends are like viagra
They keep u up when ur down

Good friends are like porns
They are never truly gone

Good friends are like criminal
Ur always on a lookout for them

Good friends are like vulgar
They are there for u when ur in anger

Good friends are like bankcrupsy
They let u know what's important

Good friends are like failure
They let u know where u stand